Things you should consider NOT saying to a pregnant woman...

Here is a picture of Jaron and my belly today. I think one of the benefits blogs provide us with is the ability to share a public service announcement with anyone who may read it. I thought maybe I could be helpful by providing a reference for my readers of things you should consider NOT saying to a pregnant woman. Here goes.

1) Are you having twins?

2) Oh, you are expecting? I wanted to ask but I was afraid you were just getting fat.

3) If you have to go clear until March you are going to be big as a barn.

4) So are you gaining a lot of weight or just retaining a lot of fluid?

5) Are you sure there is just one baby in there? You have had an ultrasound?

6) Did you gain this much weight with all your children?

7) You must not have much longer to go now!

8) Was this planned?

9) You must be pretty uncomfortable.

10) You are really going to have your hands full.

11) I did not know you were in full bloom again!

12) Oh, I thought you were due much sooner than that.

13) I'll never do it again! When I had my first baby, I tore from one end to the other and they did not think I was ever going to heal! (All of my babies are c-section babies and I am still traumatized by that one!)

14) How many babies are you having? (FYI - this twin question can be asked in multiple ways...it should just be avoided in every form.)

So here is the thing. I know it does not seem like it but I am truly grateful for this miracle I am carrying. I love her immeasurably and sometimes when I am sitting at night to read or watch the kids play I hold my growing belly and try to imagine what she will look like and what her personality will be like. I am happy and I feel complete and I feel all peace, love, and harmony about it. No question. All I am saying is that inevitably we will all come face to face with an obviously pregnant woman. We may not remember her hormones are in overdrive all the time and how a person in that state can get her feelings hurt easily. We may not remember the sleep deprivation that may come with having to go pee every hour day and night. We may not realize she is having acne that is ten times worse than when she was a teenager. We may not remember how it feels to have times when our toes to swell into little sausages, touching from top to bottom and driving us crazy at night. Her self-esteem has probably already taken a hit all on its own just by having to move up to the next notch on the scales at her last visit--a notch that she has never used before. All I am saying is that when you see this woman…something like “Congratulations!” or “What a blessing to your family!” or “I’ll be praying for a healthy baby and/or about your surgery.” or “I am happy for you!” would suffice. That’s all I’m saying.

Poem for Scott and Brenda

Our God will never burden us with more than we can bear.

It's just another way He demonstrates His loving care.

I look around sometimes and see people He must not trust,

for they seem to coast right through their lives with seldom a reason to fuss.

But there are others I know with whom He must be well pleased,

because it seems to me their lives are not always a breeze.

Sometimes they have their struggles. Sometimes they get knocked down.

But God knows they will always remember where strength and comfort can be found.

God knows when they need Him most they will drop to their knees and pray.

God knows their friends and family will pray with them every day.

God knows their faith will be a light that shines for all to see,

and the rest of us will look to them as a reminder of what we should try to be.

So when times are tough and it's hard to know what God's plan is right now,

I pray our Father's loving hand will pull you through somehow.

Top Ten

I just wanted to take a minute to compile a top ten Christmas list. It has been great and fun and festive. We still have one more dinner to go but here is a list of some of my favorite moments thus far.

#10 - Direct quote from Jaron - "This is my best Christmas ever!" (I mean, come on! He has 4 others he could have chosen and he picked this one!)

#9 - Madison saying to my ever-expanding belly, "Merry Christmas, Baby Sister."

#8 - Making these with Madison and and my niece, Molly. And yes, Molly put a bikini on a gingerbread man.

#7 - Have any of you watched little kids playing the Wii? It is priceless. I am talking top of the line entertainment. And it is all I have gotten done when we have been home. We stayed up until 1:00 in the morning (OK, so Jaron conked out at 12:45 waiting for his next turn) the first night we let them open it! We are creating serious material for one of those "Addicted to Video Games" talk shows.

#6 - Couch pile-up photo shoots. Matt, Jaron, Logan, Taylor, Madison, Lance.

#5 - Yummy food in general. I am eating very adequately for two, you know.

#4 - Festive and fuzzy socks.

#3 - Getting my Motherhood Maternity order in the mail on Christmas Eve so I had new and COMFY clothes to wear for the big day! (You know, some--or maybe most--of my things were getting irreversibly snug.)

#2 - Exchanging gifts in general...watching the faces light up when they open something I picked out for them. Oh, and cash! I'm not going to lie about it.

#1 - Fun and festive time with my favorite people.

enjoying the ride

Once, when Kevin and I were young and foolish, we decided we had to go sled riding. My sister-in-law and I will soon have 8 kids between us, but at the time we had only met one of them, so we left him with his grandma so the four "adults" could have some serious fun in the snow. The snow was irresistible that day. Half a foot deep and soft and as white as bleached sheets. So the men in the group fashioned our "sled" from what could have been part of a sheet of plywood (thus the "foolish" part) that they fastened to the back of the four wheeler. On one particular trip down the hill, Lachelle and I were riding and the boys were driving, we rounded a sharp corner and the plywood went totally airborne and ejected its passengers. I went rolling and rolling down the bank into their yard, completely cushioned by all my layers of coats and coveralls, and landed on my back seeing nothing but clear sky. I remember I could not stop this possessed laughter that had me in tears. Laughter like that could only mean that it was a great ride. As I lay there, it occurred to me that I should get up so everyone would know I was not hurt or anything. I made it to my feet to discover that not only was Lachelle not laughing, she was crying. Loudly. Her exhilarating roll down her bank was cut short by the mailbox...and it was laying beside her, post and all.

I always think of that particular ride when we get the sled out. It is safe to say we learned something that day. Its memory remains a big factor in my decision to banish myself from the sled for this winter. I did, however, manage to get some photographic coverage and enjoyed my role of sled supervisor to its full capacity. Over the years our sled practices have become much more safety/injury prevention oriented. I still find myself unable to stop the tear shedding laughter so I do not feel like I am missing out on any big thrills from my youth. I think tear shedding laughter always equals success. So while initially the kids may have been disappointed to postpone their classroom parties and a trip to the movies with classmates, they soon remembered how much fun snow days can be! I wish I could bottle their laughter to open anytime I need to hear it. I love how sometimes in life the small disappointments can become the biggest joys.

What's in a name?

So we are stepping into my last trimester of pregnancy. The last trimester for this baby girl who is destined to be either a) a champion of Dancing With the Stars or b) a professional martial artist of some sort. I am trying to figure out her sleep/wake cycles but have not been very successful. She moves a lot early in the morning. She moves a lot late at night. She moves a lot most of the morning until lunchtime. She moves a lot throughout the evenings. The only time I can honestly say I do not feel her moving every day is for maybe a couple of hours in the evenings. She seems to be a very busy little girl.

Since my ultrasound I have been thinking more about names. I think names are important. I have a book called "20,001 Baby Names" and have read the girl half in its entirety twice. I like to name babies after people. I like namesakes and heritage. My name is Valerie Rosene. My Granny's sister was named Rosene, and their mother was Emma Rose. So my mom gave me the name Rosene. Kevin and I both loved Madison early on. It was the only name we both loved and agreed on. I decided before I was a teenager that my daughter's middle name would be Rose. So we decided to name our first daughter Madison Rose. There is no other name she could have had.

When I was about this far along in my second pregnancy we had not yet broached the subject of names. I ordered the baby name book from amazon.com and decided the day that book materialized in our mailbox we would pore over it and discuss names in excruciating detail. Well, the day arrived when I got home from work to find the book lying on my kitchen table amongst envelopes. Kevin was standing at the stove cooking something for supper. I sat down and flipped through the pages, enjoying the new book smell, and proceeded to explain to the love of my life the importance of this book and choosing a name for our son. He did not even turn around and look at me. He stood at the stove stirring away and said, "I like Jaron." I put the book down and said, "Okay." And that was that. Kevin likes things to stay inside the box and I was so proud of him for coming up with something unique and different. And I like the name. And I love the story behind it. Kevin's childhood babysitter was very special to him. She and her husband spoiled him at every opportunity. She still says she never spanked him because he never needed a spanking! They were an older couple who did not have children of their own. She is not even 5 feet tall and calls my 6'4" husband her little Kevie Dale. He had sleepovers with them regularly in addition to spending every day with them. Her husband's name was Joe. Kevin always wanted to name a child after Joe. We also wanted to name a child after his Aunt Sharon. She also did not have her own children. She attended all of Kevin's milestone and sporting events with gusto and was one of the best people I have ever known. She died of leukemia while I carried Jaron. So from Joe and Sharon we have Jaron. Kevin had no preference on the middle name. I chose for Jaron to share that with his dad. So from Joe, Sharon, and Kevin Dale we settled on Jaron Dale.

So here I am again and while I am reading and planning and thinking and making lists, my husband obviously thinks this baby is going to be born wearing a name tag. As a third time dad he is not in the slightest hurry to mull over names and thinks we have plenty of time. I guess I realize all babies are not named in a five minute conversation over meal preparation. But you know me. I am ready. I am nesting. I like to have a plan.

So I have chosen a first name that I have become very attached to. Kevin will have to do some profound and serious convincing to change my mind. I am not sure on the middle name though. I am having a hard time coming up with a name that would provide the heritage and namesake element. If I name this baby from names that I like and maybe not after someone we love and cherish will she feel unimportant and neglected later? Female family names include Frances Jane, Lola Elaine, Judy Coleen, Iris June, Debra Gail. Oh, and Madison wants to name her Valerina!

So while my intended short post has become very long and excessively detailed, to sum it up I am looking for any input on baby girl names. Maybe suggestions of sweet names you have heard or how you chose your baby names. Oh, and opinions on the damage of a child born with no namesake would be appreciated also! Maybe it would be helpful if she would be born wearing a sticker after all. "Hello, my name is..."

Inquiring Minds

I would love to have a profoundly wise and inspirational post to share with everyone today, but it is just not in me. I have been marvelling lately about the thought processes of the kids as they figure out life and family in general. Jaron has really had a variety of important questions lately, most of which I think are adorable, so I decided to jot them down for a couple days to share with you. Here is what I have compiled thus far, in no particular order.

What do clouds eat?

Is that baby in your belly going to say you're his mama?

Why are Grandma Judy and Grandpa your mom and dad?

Why don't you have any grandmas?

Why is that baby in your belly my baby sister?

Why were you my mama when I was in your belly?

How is my baby sister going to get out of your belly?

Why does my baby sister want to meet us and be our family?

Is my baby sister going to come home from the hospital later?

If my baby sister can hear now can I tell her good night, too?

things that make me cry

I cannot spend this week looking forward to my long weekend from work to share with my favorite people without taking the time to blog about it. I feel like this holiday needs to be acknowledged and I am seriously shirking my duties if I do not do a post on some dimension of gratitude. I tend to over analyze things sometimes. Every year at this time I wonder where to start. I mean, I am thankful for my family and friends and our health. I am thankful that my cousin-in-law is on the verge of coming off of his ventilator and that my Grandad got to come home from the hospital. Those are the things that pop into my head without effort. The big things that really matter. But when Thanksgiving is in the air and everyone is thinking of family and talking turkey and noodles and pie I tend to reach a little bit farther and think on the less obvious blessings in my life.

I remember my friends and I rolling our eyes at our moms when they got emotional over the things we may not have grasped the importance of. I always thought I was tough. I liked dresses and makeup when appropriate, but I also liked sports and hunting and never felt like I was one to cry easily. I know now that becoming a mom kind of changes that. Sometimes things make me cry and I know the teenage me would roll her eyes. This year I was thinking about what I should include on my blog to represent the gratitude in my heart. In trying to limit the length of this post I chose to include the things that make me cry.

Good music. "Remember When" by Alan Jackson came out when I was pregnant with Jaron and I had to pull over because I could not see the road for my tears. This time it was "The Best Day" by Taylor Swift. It is worth looking up.

Good movies. The Hallmark Channel. Holiday season. Need I say more?

Good friends. You know, the ones that say you look nice when you are about to break your personal top weight record and your clothes are not flattering and your face is so round you don't even recognize yourself in the mirror anymore? (NOT to be confused with the people who ask when you are due and do not mask their shock at the date because they assumed it was much, much sooner)

Good family. Grandpas who convince the grandkids he grew whiskers out during deer season just to tickle them with. The grandma who invited the kids to have a sleepover Tuesday night because she is off work on Wednesday while they are off from school. The same grandma who THEN cooks a big supper, says, "Don't bring anything," and asks the whole family to just show up after we get off work for our Thanksgiving. What better way to kick off a long weekend than to relax and eat with the family? Thanks, Mom!!

Good kids...most of the time. Kids that say they are best friends when they don't know I can hear them. Kids that make gratitude lists at preschool citing their favorite things to be thankful for such as hamburgers, grandparents, Mom, Dad, big sister, baby sister, and sausage. Kids that leave notes around the house saying things like, "I love Mom, Dad, Jaron and the baby. And our dog." Kids who comfort one another if there are tears involved.

Good husbands. Husbands who offer up cash to have my young househousekeeper come over when he thinks that will help me. Husbands who change from the NFL channel to Noggin when it is time for Wow! Wow! Wubzy! Husbands who can be talked into playing a board game or making popcorn almost every day by the little people in our house. Husbands who remember to make life fun on a regular basis.

Birthdays. Milestones in general. Holidays. Vacation days in general. The experience of growing a person. A person who moves so often I am always reminded to be grateful! Especially after bedtime! Pumpkin pies and peanut butter blossoms. Noodles (the homemade ones, of course). Time to be home with my favorite people and do nothing but enjoy them. I may not be a weeping willow in my adulthood but I have been moved to tears more in the last 6 years than I ever anticipated and those are the moments I am most thankful for this week. Have a Happy Thanksgiving.