You Learn

I have been seriously slacking on my blogging this year, but the fact that I have not been writing does not mean I do not have a lot to say. The year 2013 held some big lessons for me, actually. Alanis Morissette has an old school song from the 90's called "You Learn." She sings about how many of the lessons we learn in life are jagged little pills to swallow, but you just have to wait until the smoke clears and learn from them. She says you live, love, cry, lose, bleed, scream, choke, laugh, choose...and you learn. I think that is my theme song for 2013.

This year, I learned that it is vital to speak up when you feel compelled to do so, whether there is an issue within your family, your church, your community, or your child's school. If you feel in your gut that you should say something, you should say it, but be aware that if you choose to do this, you must be prepared to stand behind what you have said and power through some negative backlash. It happens, sometimes when you least expect it. Your bravery might resolve the issue, and it might fall on deaf ears. Either way, Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

You have to pick and choose where to contribute to society. You cannot help with EVERYTHING! You should help with community activities and programs when you can, especially when they involve your children. It is SO MUCH FUN watching kids enjoy activities and learn from them. Don't pass up such a great opportunity to spend time with your little people! There are people who will really appreciate the time and effort you have put in! Just try to remember that even if you give it your best efforts, there are also people who won't appreciate it. And they might even complain about your methods. Do not take it personally. 

You know I am a girl who loves to have a plan, but a plan is just that. A plan. It is not reality and it can change in the blink of an eye. I read somewhere that people make plans and God laughs. I believe that.

It is possible to invest years into building a relationship with people only to come to the realization that it never mattered to them. All you can do is swallow past the jagged little pill and focus that energy on the relationships in your life that are authentic, or as my nephew likes to say, "legit." At some point it is important to realize who matters most in your life, and who always will, even if that means recognizing who never did.

I learned that the best part of life is having people you love to share it with. Cheesy, right? I mean, I knew that, of course, but I never really considered that I could lose any of my people before their time. This year I woke up to that very possibility. My sister has been sick for such a long time, and over the last year she has had three surgeries in an effort to get her her life back. I have never felt so blessed to have my entire family together for Christmas as I did this year. Thankful does not begin to describe it.

I finally figured out that there is no reason for me to feel guilty for missing work to stay home with my kids for unexpected reasons. Whether I have enough vacation time to cover it or not. The fact is, I have a flexible job that is supportive of me, and I appreciate that. I know that twenty years down the road I will not look back and say, "I wish I had gone to work more." Instead, I will be wishing for more days at home with my children when they need me. Here is the thing, People. My kids are not always going to need me like they do right now, and I do not take that lightly. I want them to remember that while I worked away from home, when faced with the choice between work and family, I chose them. Kevin was laid off for months this year, and instead of wasting time worrying about the next job, we did our best to take advantage of all of the extra time we could spend together. I don't think I will regret it. 

Here are the things I want to remember as I begin a new year:

Embrace today. Count your blessings and enjoy the people you have right now. Do not pass up the opportunities to spend time with your loved ones. Leave the dishes in  the sink and the clothes in the hamper and go watch your nephews play basketball.  Often. Surround yourself with people who love you. It is okay to plan for your future, but don't get so caught up in those plans that you forget about today. Let go of anything from the past that is bothering you. Once you are able to let go of that, it can finally let go of you. Do what is right, even if it is not easy. At the end of the day, or the end of the year, you have to be able to look at the person in the mirror. You have to respect her and believe in her. Live and learn.

Gratitude

I try really hard to be the girl who sees the glass as half full most of the time. I want to give thanks in all things every single day, I really do, but sometimes I fall short of that. When Thanksgiving rolls around, I cannot help but consider the things I am grateful for, or more importantly, the people. I think about the people who have loved me over the years. What stands out most is not the times I have heard the words, but the times these people have shown me love. The cakes baked for my birthday. The clothes, and even my wedding dress, handmade with love. The ear drops I needed as a kid, being warmed on top of the wood stove even though they were always needed in the middle of the night. The man who fixed things for me before I knew they were broken. The people in the bleachers or lawn chairs at sporting events season after season who I knew were there just for me. The man who held my face in his hands when I became a mother.

I guess what I am saying is that this Thanksgiving, my gratitude is not something I want to list like the things I need at the grocery store. It is a feeling that comes from knowing I have people who will always, irrevocably, be on my team. The security in knowing there are people on the sidelines of my life wearing my jersey forever. I also appreciate the opportunity to suit up for them. I know how it feels to be a team player. When someone on my team hurts, I cry, and when they succeed, I do my victory dance. I am so thankful for the people who do the same for me, whether they have been with me for my entire life or they have joined me along the way.

Things don’t always work out the way we plan. Life contains disappointments and diseases. People get caught up in so many unimportant things in the daily chaos that sometimes it is difficult to find what matters. All we can do is adapt and overcome our obstacles, and cheer when our loved ones do the same. You know, with the right support system, things can turn out even better than we could have hoped. 

Last Chance Vacation

This summer we really wanted to get away, however briefly, with the kids for some fun. Between summer sports, gardening, haying, and our animals, it is not always easy to make this happen. As we were highly anticipating a new season of football, under new management and a new coaching staff, we really wanted to take in another CHIEFS game. So we decided to take advantage of the last official weekend of summer vacation by spending it in Kansas City. We left on a Thursday night so we could get to the zoo early Friday morning. I am a big believer in hitting the zoo early. I think both the heat and the smells of zoo animals tend to rise along with the sun. Also, it seems like we can catch the animals being fed when we get there early. The kids love to watch that. By the time it gets hot, we can rest our tired legs and ride the train to whatever stops we may have missed on foot. At one point, Megan said, “Mom, I can’t keep up with you and your partners because your feet are big and mine are little!” Her little legs had taken many steps. I think their favorite animals this time were the polar bear, the sea lion, and the monkeys.

 Keeping with Kansas City tradition, after the zoo, we headed to Jackstack BBQ. We decided it was so good we should get a carry-out order to put in our hotel fridge to eat after the football game that evening. As we walked to Arrowhead Stadium from our hotel, a lady stopped us to take our picture in the parking lot. She was from some news website that is supposed to show what is going on in the Kansas City area in pictures. The kids thought we were celebrities.

It was Megan’s first time to see the CHIEFS in person, and while she got caught up in the excitement with the rest of us, she fell asleep in the last quarter and her dad carried her all the way up the big hill back to our hotel. Saturday morning, we got up and set out for our first visit to Schlitterbahn. Every family in America should visit this waterpark. We spent most of the day doing absolutely nothing but playing in the water. We came out only to eat or apply more sunscreen.

I wonder sometimes if we are enjoying our time together enough. I get tired of being busy. Sometimes life feels more like a ride than I want it to. Like I am moving so fast I don’t even realize I have forgotten to stop and really see the other people in the car with me. I feel like I forget too often to gaze through the window and enjoy the beauty in my surroundings. I just discovered that Madison has grown two inches in the last five months. Jaron needs a haircut every time I turn around. Megan uses a new big word every day. I can’t help but wonder sometimes if I am paying enough attention.

Nothing saves my sanity more than when we take a weekend and we do nothing but pay attention to each other. We laugh and play and relax and make memories that do not involve all of the clutter and chaos of everyday life. Most of the time I can’t decide if I am doing a good job at anything at all. My efforts are so divided into so many directions that it makes me feel average in everything when maybe I should be trying to be great at something. Anything.

On last chance vacations, like this one, I can step away from all of the distractions to enjoy every moment with the people I love most in this world. I can notice every last detail and savor what I see along with every ounce of contentment a woman can posess...and I can think that maybe I am already great at something after all.

Ode to Stan the Man

When it comes to in-laws, all we can really do is roll the dice. We have little control over the extended family members we come to share our lives with. We can hope to have a lot in common with them, but that is not always the case. At the very least we can hope to share with them a love and devotion to the person who has bound us together...but even that does not hold true in every family. We can choose what type of relationship we want to have with our in-laws. In some cases, in-laws are welcomed with open arms, like family. Sometimes, in-laws seldom speak to each other, like strangers.
Stan has been my brother-in-law since I was twelve years old. I probably did not give it much thought when I was younger. I guess in my mind he had kind of always been there, and I thought of him as another brother. Early on in he and Vanita's married life, I would go to their house for sleepovers. My sister would do my nails, and we would watch movies, and they always had my favorite pop and snacks. What's to think about? It worked for me!

I have witnessed many things over the years to make me appreciate the fact that Vanita chose him to add to our family. Things that seem simple but should not be overlooked. Everyone thought it was sweet when he held her hand and sang to her during their wedding. When I think about the decades that have passed since that day, and I picture my sister, it is almost always with Stan by her side. He also held her hand when their sons were born, and when some of my favorite people were buried. I appreciate his honesty, and I have all the faith in the world that he tries hard to do the right thing whenever he can. For his family, for my family, and for his community. He is one of the most level-headed guys I know, and he is one of those guys that you can call when you need help, and he will show up. He has shown us over the last few years that when he said, "In sickness and in health," it was a vow he took seriously. I hope he feels like we treat him like family...even if that means we give him a hard time once in awhile. I am glad he is like a brother to me, and I am glad he is a good uncle to my children. I am grateful that he is a good father to my nephews, but most of all, I am glad he is good to my sister. All we ever really want for our loved ones is for them to choose good people to share their lives with. To share our lives with. In honor of his birthday, I just wanted to say that I am pretty sure Stan the Man is one of the good guys! Good job, Sis!

Nephew Love - Logan & Lance

I remember when my nephews were born. I should, since I was in the hospital with their parents. At the earliest opportunity, I taught them to say, "Aunt Val," whenever anyone asked who loved them. I remember Logan's serious, inquisitive little eyes entrusting me to answer his countless questions. Like I knew every secret of the world. I remember crawling into an oxygen tent with Lance when he was sick and tired of being sick and tired in a hospital bed as a toddler. I can close my eyes and see both of them as small boys playing on the playground or running to me with their hands in the air to be held. Like it was yesterday. They were such good boys.

These days, I have to look up to talk to or hug these boys. And they are not boys at all but tall, young men with facial hair and girlfriends. They have busy lives with work, school, sports, hunting, fishing, and friends. Sometimes I forget that these young men are the same little boys who were once two of my biggest fans. Recently I was reminded when they discovered my hankering for a picnic table and a new clothesline. They told me they would hook me up. I heard them, but I kind of assumed it would be a long time down the road so I did not give it a lot of thought. I mean, I realize Lance participates in every sport available to him and Logan was working states away with his welding job.

A couple of days after Logan got home from a job, though, he called me with specific questions about clothesline pole preferences. It was a Saturday morning. Lance called me that same day with questions about the kind of picnic table I would like. They were actually going to town to get materials! Here is the best part: by that very evening, they pulled into my driveway with their parents, and a picnic table and two clothesline poles in the back of the truck. They bought the materials, put them all together, and delivered them all in one day. We are talking about lumber and pieces of steel pipe in the morning being cut, measured, sawed, welded, and the final product delivered...all in one day. Logan even dug the holes, put the poles in the ground with quick concrete, and painted them. They could really go into business! I have to tell you I have wondered whether to come up with some more projects to mention to them! ;)

Lance's Picnic Table

Logan's Clothesline

I cannot tell you how much I have enjoyed their creations already. I love hanging out clothes. I don't just mean I love how it makes things smell. I mean I love being outside with the sun on my face and a breeze in my hair as I fill up those lines with our clothes. I can see our pond, and usually our cattle. I can hear birds singing or my children playing.  I love being able to leave those clothes out there until I am good and ready to fold them and put them away. The picnic table has been like adding a room onto our tiny house! I have this whole patio project going now, and we eat outside at every opportunity. Now I can sit at my picnic table with my family and listen to my sheets whipping in our hilltop wind. I love my new stuff, but even more I love that it comes with people who love me and are willing to put in some time (and labor!) to make me happy. Sometimes as boys grow into men we girls think they might forget about us. I am pretty sure the secret to making sure you are remembered is to try your best to be good to them when they are little! My nephews may not run to me looking for hugs so much anymore...and to be honest, when we all get together these days they seem to have more questions for their Uncle Kevin than for me. But I think they remember who I am and they are taking good care of me. They are still good boys. And do you know who loves them? Aunt Val!

Jaron's Birthday Post

Last year for Jaron's birthday we went all out with the huge pool party, so this year we took the more traditional, private route. My grandparents always made a two-layer cake with sprinkles and delivered it on our birthdays when I was growing up, so I made him one of those. Chocolate, of course. He had a baseball game that day,  and it was the Atlanta Homecoming weekend. With Kevin was working six days a week, the hay fields, garden, and animals, we could not figure out how or when to squeeze in a big party with friends.

Jaron is nine years old, and he is all boy. He loves to fish, hunt, and play sports. He almost always takes his dad's side. I have to harass him on occasion to bathe properly and brush his teeth. Sometimes I have to pry the video games from his hands to get him to be productive. We got him a new bike for his birthday. Two days after he got it, I glanced out the kitchen window to catch him washing it with a bucket of soapy water. I am pretty sure he is always going to be most comfortable surrounded by the familiar. While he wants to be involved, he would rather not be the center of attention. The way to his heart is through his stomach. Feed him and he will love you forever. His favorite show on TV right now is Duck Dynasty, and his favorite movie he has watched lately is the Avengers.

Happy Birthday, Jaron! I love your sense of humor, your big, brown eyes, and your laid back personality. I hope this year finds you happy, healthy, and surrounded by all of your favorite people...and your sisters! XOXO

The First Slumber Party

It is no secret that our house is on the small side. I have hesitated in the past to let Madison have lots of friends over at one time, because there is simply not much space for them, and there is no place in this house where they could go that their constant giggles would not be heard at all hours of the day and night.  I knew there would be lots of giggles.

We recently acquired some chickens, and while we were building a house for them, we decided to make it bigger than necessary so the building could double as storage. We got the building almost done, but did not need to put the chickens inside immediately, so I told Madison she could have a slumber party, as long as they would like to camp outside in the chicken house. She jumped at the opportunity.

I remember slumber parties when I was young. I remember trying to camp in tents with my friends...in someone's yard or next to our pond, and the group of us wimping out and sneaking inside before morning on more than one occasion. There were times we ended up sleeping on a trampoline under the stars, or lined up across someone's living room floor. I remember a dad lighting fireworks in the yard to scare us in the wee hours of the morning, resulting in a hole in the wet banana (slip 'n slide to the younger generation) that we had to dodge the next day. I know that a cow's moo is amplified at 3:00 in the morning, and I have learned that if you decide to set up your sleepover tent on a hillside--in the morning you and all of your friends will wake up downhill and crowded. It occurred to me that Madison is not going to have any memories like these if she does not get to have the same kinds of experiences.

As far as slumber parties go, I thought I was prepared. I had the food and cake. I put a TV and DVD player in the building for a little Twilight Movie Marathon. I gave them a cell phone to keep out there in case they got scared or needed to come inside during the night. I ended up getting more texts saying things like, "Could we have more nachos?" Or popcorn...or drinks...or cake. I am not going to lie, these girls ate like linebackers. There was more wrestling and less fingernail painting than I had anticipated, and I have to say these girls are tough. Not one of them ended up in my living room floor before morning as I expected.

Madison's first slumber party was different in a lot of ways from the ones I remember. Some things have changed in twenty years. Their building, with doors, windows, and locks, was probably an upgrade from our old tents. We never had the whole TV/DVD/Cell Phone package when we were camping. There are some things that do not change in two decades, though. When I went out to check on them in the morning, I couldn't help but think it looked exactly the same. Happy Birthday, Madison! May your childhood hold many treasured memories shared with your friends.

1993

2013

Santa and Jesus

I remember watching a movie with Madison when she was a preschooler. It was that animated movie about the horses, Spirit. It starts out with a colt being born. Madison looked up from my lap, blinking her big, blue eyes and said, "Mommy, will your belly get that big when you have my baby brother or sister?" I tried to hide my surprise when I informed her that there may not be another brother or sister. I told her she already had a brother, and our family may remain the four of us.  She shook her head and said, "No, I'm having another baby brother or sister. I've already asked Jesus."

She did not forget about wanting another sibling. In kindergarten she wrote a letter to Santa that was published in the newspaper. It said, "I would like a baby brother or sister for Christmas. I'm getting one, too, but my mom doesn't know it yet."  As we all know, in first grade she got her baby sister. Once in awhile, when she is especially frustrated with Megan, I remind her, "You are the one who asked Santa and Jesus for her."

Four years have flown by like a summer. Whoever said the days are long but the years are short had to be a mom. This girl is growing up in the same way she does most things in her life...FAST and LOUD! Somehow our smallest child seems to make the most noise. Questions and observations flow from this girl in every waking moment all day long. She is like a sponge right now, soaking up everything around her like she just came in from the desert. She loves baby dolls, Dora, and Little Bear. She sings a new song every week. She knows songs from church or her little shows on TV, but she also sings Call Me, Maybe, several Taylor Swift songs, Girl on Fire, and some Maroon 5. She loves to have pretty nails and a flower in her hair. She is happiest when wearing chopstick (aka chap stick), boots, and a tutu. She dribbles a basketball to keep up with the big kids, she bats lefty, and she runs like the wind with her hair flying behind her. She climbs all over her daddy like he is her personal jungle gym, and she is still my biggest fan.

I think she is most excited about turning four because she knows five will be next, and that is the key to getting on that big yellow bus with her favorite brother and sister. When I told her we were making cupcakes to take to Auntie Barb's for a party with her friends, she said, "Yes! I will take cupcakes and party hats!" Because those are the necessities when it is time to party. She helped me make the cupcakes in her little apron. She said, "If my friends don't know who bringed these, I will tell them. When I get there in my number four shirt, Auntie Barb will be so happy!"

When bedtime came on the night before her birthday, Megan asked, "So after I lay down I'll be four?" I told her that was right. She said, "After tomorrow when I lay down will I be three?" I told her that no, she would stay four. She wanted to know why. I had to swallow past the lump in my throat at my first thought. She will never be three again. Sigh. Happy Birthday, Megan! I love you and your constant chatter. I love your fearlessness, brutal honesty, abundant joy, and fierce loyalty to your family. You bless our family every single day with light, love, and laughter. Thank goodness for Santa and Jesus!

Bullets Basketball

When I was in 5th grade my friends and I started going to the Show-Me games once a year to play in a basketball tournament. It was a fun time for us, and I thought I would like my kids to have the same opportunity. It was one of those times that as I started looking around for somebody to take the initiative to put together a team, it occurred to me that I am somebody. So we created a team last summer, and Bullets Basketball was born. This year, there was so much interest that we had enough girls to take three different teams down there. I am sorry to say that while I have a lot of good intentions, there are a lot of things I want to do that never really come to pass, so I love it when an intention turns into something real!

I try my best to focus on FUNdamentals. I tell the girls that our goals are to have fun, develop a love for basketball, improve our skills, and learn about teamwork and giving our best effort. I believe in learning to play basketball the right way. I had a blast working with these girls, and I appreciate every one of them, and their parents, for jumping on board! We played teams from St. Louis, Columbia, and Salem, and I will admit we did not win a game, but I was so proud of how hard they played and how they did not stop trying. I told them when we get home and face the little schools in our conference it will be a piece of cake!

I told them our goals were accomplished regardless of the score board, and we can still have fun and learn. I hope they enjoyed their experience down there. I hope they learned something. The last thing I want is for this experience, intended for fun, to discourage any of these girls, so now I am on the lookout for opportunities to play closer to home. We can still play larger schools than our own, but maybe if we kept things a little more rural things would be a little less scary. I am pretty sure our junior high girls are having nightmares about the 6 foot tall triplets they faced, or the seventh grader who was taller than most grown men!

I am not going to lie about it, basketball is definitely more fun when we win. Despite our losses, I loved working with these girls, and I hope they enjoyed it as much as I did! I have lots of big plans and good intentions to keep working with youth basketball in our community. Wish us luck!!

4th Grade

5th Grade

7th & 8th Grade

Fancy Pants

Megan is growing up so fast I cannot even tell you. Somehow, although she is the smallest person in our house, she tends to be the loudest. She chatters when she is awake. She wants to know what everything is, what you are doing with it, and why. She thrives on picking out her own outfits. Her understanding of which clothes are appropriate for the day is phenomenal. She knows to pick out a dress for special occasions, or church, and she picks out yoga pants for playing at the babysitter's. She LOVES picking out her pajamas at bedtime. I guess we tend to be fairly casual people. I wear scrubs to work, and Kevin wears carpenter jeans, a t-shirt, and a hoodie. One evening, we were going out to eat, and Kevin was wearing some of his better jeans. Megan came out in her hot pink sweats, took one look at him, and said, "Mama, can I wear fancy pants just like Daddy?" So there you have it. In our home, jeans are fancy pants. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Best Christmas EVER

I had every intention of making the Christmas of 2012 the best Christmas EVER. I started shopping early, and I worked hard to create unique gifts whenever possible. I did not sacrifice life and limb at the crazy sales in the stores. I found almost everything online, remained unharmed, and I got free shipping on almost everything. Perfect.

I helped Madison pick out her Christmas piano music months ahead of time this year, so she would have plenty of time to master her songs without the added stress and stage fright that comes from trying to learn them in a hurry. She played Hark! The Herald Angels Sing! and Deck the Halls for the programs at school and church. She was not a bit nervous. Perfect.

I wanted to have everything under the tree and wrapped up with a pretty little bow well in advance, but it was in this step that I went wrong. I put off wrapping gifts longer than I should have...and then when those appointed times I planned on using for wrapping rolled around, things came up. After my frantic Christmas Eve wrapping marathon, when I finally got everything crossed off of my to-do list and let my head hit the pillow, the numbers on my bedside clock were burning an angry 2 am. I was beginning to think I had failed miserably at this whole best Christmas thing.

But then Christmas morning happened. My favorite little people surrounded us with bright eyes and wild hair and the tiniest dose of their excitement eliminated my doubts and melted my heart. We spent lots of time with our family on both sides and had all kinds of fun. I started thinking about people who do not get to spend Christmas with their families. Maybe they are estranged, or maybe the travel is too expensive or too far. Sometimes a family has a loved one in the hospital, prison, or deployed in the military. A hole where that person should be would be an elephant in the room for that family over the holidays, whatever the circumstance. When I think about it, I have spent every single Christmas of my entire life with these guys--without exception.

 It does not seem like it has been that long since I was the one with the wild hair, snooping for my name under the tree. Or the girl meeting her boyfriend's family over the holidays. How strange that I am the mom with the strong cup of coffee on Christmas morning savoring the moment...and the caffeine.  I am the aunt trying to figure out the styles that my nieces and nephews are excited about this year, or getting to know the nephew's girlfriend.

When I remember the Christmas of 2012, I want to remember getting to see my entire family. I loved, laughed, hugged, kissed, ate, drank, and was as merry as I have ever been. I got to experience many beautiful moments that deserve to be recorded.

Example of my confusion about what they think is cool....

The Girlfriend

Sister Love

Mugshots

Couch Pileup Photo Shoots

So I was up late wrapping gifts. My sister was up before dawn making dishes to take to dinners. Whether we are ready ahead of time or sliding in at the last minute, the holidays are going to happen, and love will be shared. When it comes down to it, time with family is exquisite. I think every year I savor the time a little more.  When I add this Christmas to all of the others, and the list of happy times continues to grow, it really does make this Christmas the best Christmas EVER. To quote one of my favorite signs on my wall, "We may not have it all together, but together we have it all."