For My Senior

In the spirit of recording all of the important moments of your senior year, I have written several blog posts. I wrote about how hard you work when it comes to your classes. I wrote about the beginning of your love story with Cy, and your last softball and last basketball games. Mostly I wrote about how proud I am to be your mom and how confident I am that you will continue to do great things. I had no intention of being finished writing about your last year of high school. I was going to have a hard time with the post about your last track season in Atlanta because of how much you have always loved throwing things. I knew it would be your hardest goodbye relative to sports. That post was going to have a picture of you at the podium at the 2020 Missouri Class 1 State Track Meet. And your college signing with Truman's throwing coach would have warranted a post with several photos. I planned to write about prom...your last one in Atlanta and your first and last one in LaPlata. And graduation. How could I possibly have a blog called Recording the Moments without writing about your high school graduation? We are still holding out some hope that some of these traditions may happen super late, but things are so up in the air right now that nobody can say for sure.

I know your most uncomfortable, anxiety inducing moments in life revolve around the unknown. Situations in which you do not feel confident and comfortable. These experiences have always been difficult for you to enjoy due to the stress they cause you to feel. I remember the tears at your first games (both softball and basketball) and your first piano recital when your panic would not subside until I joined you up front on the piano bench while you played your solo to a church full of parents and grandparents. During your first state track meet, freshman year, I remember how long you stood just outside the gate watching your competitors at the shot put circle before mustering up the courage to step inside for your practice throws. You always overcome the fear though. Last year you walked in like a boss. I am so sorry that your entire life is basically unknown right now. You are putting on such a brave face but I can feel how unsettled you are. I hate every moment you are missing out on that you have been planning on for the last 17 years. Not just the athletic events but all of the things that were going to keep our calendar jam packed over the next two months. Your last end of the year banquets and award nights. Class trips and pranks. Academic bowl and art projects. It is not fair to you and it stinks. It's okay to be sad or mad about the loss of these things. I want you to know I recognize that. 

I found out I was pregnant with you the week after 9/11 happened. Most Americans found themselves reading about the lives lost during those attacks with sorrow and disbelief. I remember telling people about you by saying, "I have some good news to share amidst all of this tragedy..." and deep within me you gave me such joy regardless of what was going on in the world. And that is basically how life goes. I mean, mostly life is amazing, but there are also struggles and hardships and tragedies and things we never could have anticipated. Sometimes you have to look a little deeper for the beautiful things.  This coronavirus reminds me of 9/11. It feels a little like we are being attacked, and I have seen people coming together in ways we see best in the face of adversity. I realize COVID-19 is bigger than senior year.  Nobody knows how many lives will be lost or what the final economical ramifications will be for everyone. I know we are barely getting started with this thing and I don't like the unknown either.

There are a few things I do know in this uncertain time. 1.) I will get some beautiful photos of you in your prom dress with your boyfriend with or without prom. 2.) I will get traditional photos of you in your cap and gown with your diploma whether graduation happens or not.  3.) If you have thrown your last shot put in an Atlanta Hornet uniform, your last throw was your PR that resulted in a state medal around your neck. 4.) Losing this last quarter of school cannot take away the other twelve and a half years of memories you have with your classmates and community. 5.) We will have a party to celebrate your journey to adulthood no matter how long we have to wait to make it happen. 

You started out as a silver lining in an uneasy time and that still holds true today. People are full of sorrow and disbelief once again but I am still excited to think of all of the patients you will help throughout your nursing career. I am looking forward to watching you grow throughout your college years. You have always worked so hard, and I know you always will, so I encourage you to embrace this time of quarantine one day at a time. I admit that I had to take a moment when you sent me your cap and gown photo on your last day of school. It happened to be the same day I had to lay off all of my photographers. So take your moment to mourn what's gone but try not to dwell on what is being taken away from you for too long. Celebrate what you still have. Family, friends, and a community that will always support you. Carry on with your Netflix Parties, Skype, FaceTime, etc., and overcome this thing. When this is all behind us, you will be stronger for it, and you will appreciate all of the beautiful things in your life more than ever before. I just wanted to say hang in there to my senior and to all of the 2020 Seniors. I have every confidence in you and I am pulling for you.