tourists

We had our last little day trip of the summer last weekend with my mom. We went to Bethel. Many of my people come from Bethel. Well, my Dad's people. My dad was a North Shelby kid until the end of his freshman year. We have had some family reunions at the Bethel school. My parents and Vanita lived in Bethel for 3 days. Mom could not get comfortable in the old colony house. It was straight up and down and 4 rooms (living room and kitchen below, bedrooms above) and creeeeeeepy. It spooked her too much to stay. Dad was fine with it. They bought the house in Atlanta soon after. I was inches from being a Raider (which is not nearly as prestigious as growing up as a HORNET, of course)!

I read this trilogy of books by Jane Kirkpatrick called the "Kinship and Courage Series" and I loved it! It was based on a group of women headed out west via wagon train. Many of the women did not want to go, but their husbands did. You know, the whole "wherever thou goest and lodgest" thing...and the husbands did not ask their opinions! They were remarkable and inspirational women. As I was saying, I loved the books and when looking for more of her writing I stumbled upon her series of books called the "Change and Cherish Historical Series" which started in Bethel, Missouri and was based on the colony that originated there. I had heard bits and pieces of the colony so my fingers could not fly fast enough to get the books ordered off of ebay. I read the books and my mom read the books and we decided we wanted to tour the colony homes if we got the chance. We got the chance. It was the neatest thing. It was strange to be walking in some of the exact same places those characters (who were actual people) walked and worked and ate and danced...and died. The leader of the colony had a grand three story house and it was even bigger than I had pictured it. All of the colony houses had the same plan as my parents' brief home. The bottom floor held the kitchen and a bedroom and the top was two more bedrooms. They said the parents and babies had the downstairs bedroom. One upstairs bedroom was for the older boys, and one was for the older girls. How can I ever complain again about the trials of cooking every day with my electric range and oven when they were cooking over open fires in the kitchens? That would be a little warm in August! There were only three ovens in town so the women got together to do the baked goods for everyone and then they shared them. When you think it over many things would have been so difficult but they got to get together all the time. They had many women to look to for guidance and support when things were rough and think of how close the community would be. I heard someone in the news talking about an author that believed the reason divorce is so common today is that people are having such a difficult time doing things on their own and the support network that communities have always had is dwindling away. I had never really thought about that.

(This is where they cooked at the leader's big house.)

The kids were far more impressed with watching the people at the festival make the sheep be naked but I enjoyed the tour. I enjoyed seeing two of my Great Uncles. I enjoyed being a tourist. It made me want to read more on the history of the Midwest and find more places to visit. I am sure Mom would be on board too. So would Madison and Jaron...as long as we could find a way to incorporate animals and ice cream!

touristsJaron with the colony church's bellMadison's favorite thing of the day

and they were beautiful

I became an aunt again on Monday. Kevin's sister, Lachelle, provided me with my newest little nephew, Brody Michael Hatcher. He joins Lane, who is almost 12, Molly, 10, Tucker, almost 6, and Keaton, 2. Molly sure wanted a sister but she has decided to keep him anyway. I watched him be born. I was in the delivery room with all of the kids but Lane. I have seen their first little expressions. She could not have an epidural with Molly, Tucker, or Keaton. She had very little in the way of drugs. She was elated to learn she could have an epidural with Brody. The difference was astounding. She was hanging out eating popsicles and laughing during the most intense parts of her labor. Laughing. It was so much more relaxed and fun. I was also in with Vanita when she had Lance with very little drugs. I also saw his first little expression. I have decided I am a big fan of the drugs. I do not have the words to articulate the exquisite feeling that comes from watching an actual person, that you love immeasurably before you have even met them, taking their first breath. And listening to them crying their first cry. I was thinking...that makes one little niece and four little nephews that I have watched be born and 5 little first expressions I have seen. Most of them looked mad, but they were beautiful. I did not get to see my own children's first expressions. That is the problem with the big sheet they hang in front of you for C-sections. Oh, well. The outcome is so worth it. I will never forget the intense happiness and relief I felt from hearing my own babies cry that first cry. I got to hear that. Not all moms do. And the first time I laid eyes on my babies they were all cleaned up and bundled in their little hats and wrapped so tightly in their little blankets they looked like little burritos with only their faces peeking out. And they were beautiful. I am so grateful and excited to be going through this whole experience again. The experience of growing a person. Watching Brody be born was such a vivid reminder of what is to come in March.

I wrote that

So, remember how Serenity inspired me to write a poem? And I quote, "Life is too short to criticize and complain." I wrote that. I meant it when I wrote it. I still mean it, but today has been one of those days when my complaints are screaming in my head and all the blessings that I know are very present and appreciated in my life seem to be whispering.

I found out this morning that the babysitter I have been planning on for my baby will not be able to babysit for me after all. I called her before I told the grandparents! She has a mom who already brings a child to her that is expecting again so her opening for next fall will by taken. I have already been praying and I know God will provide for my family but I am a planner. I like to know the plan. It's OK if that plan is months or even years away, but I like to know. I know I still have a lot of time and I know this is not a tragedy. I know.

There have been changes at the preschool where Madison and Jaron have attended over the past few years. The director is on bed rest and there have been situations with the part-time fill-in people that I was just not comfortable with...but I thought I was grouchy and hormonal. Yesterday, Jaron cried and did not want to stay. I thought he was tired from the weekend. He did it again today. This picture is him with his award from the May program for being the class entertainer. He has never cried to be left there before. I am probably not going to be taking him back. I have never understood those people on the news who find their abducted children and say, "I always did have a bad feeling about that person." I thought what kind of mother sends their child into a situation where there is a bad feeling? I cannot be one of those mothers. It was all I could do to drive away from him today when he was upset. I do not think I can do it again.

.

I was on my way back to work at lunchtime today from looking at an alternative preschool when my cell phone rang. I am seriously not making this stuff up. It was Madison's school nurse. She got sick and threw up today at school. Obviously she needed to be picked up. So who had the big idea to change the definition of a woman? Who had the big idea that women should have careers outside the home? I read that not only is a woman's work never done but the definition keeps changing. Isn't that the truth? Why did we decide we want to earn money and have our say and our equality? Why didn't we just leave the careers to the men and stay home with our babies?

Um...okay. Just so you know, in the future I will do my best to refrain from blogging when I know I am a hormonal hurricane. I love my job in cardiac rehab and it is more flexible than most of my friends' jobs. I love helping people feel better. I love having a career and a family and I really do know the answers to most of the questions I rambled on about before. Life is too short to criticize and complain. I know that. I wrote that.

First Day of First Grade

How can my daughter possibly be in first grade? I think when I have a baby I am comforted by their baby status. I know where they are and can protect them almost all the time. They are in their crib or bouncy seat or high chair and mostly staying put. The baby to toddler transition poses some challenges but is generally a smooth transition for me. I thought, for the most part, preschool was this small, safe place for the kids to go. Preschool kids are still small and doing crazy finger paintings and unidentifiable crafts. I cried the first time Madison got on the school bus in Kindergarten. It just seemed like such a big ride for such a little girl. But even in Kindergarten I considered Madison to be a little kid. That first "practice" year of school was attended by my little girl.

Here we are going to first grade. I'm afraid my denial has to end here. I have heard it a million times but I am going to say it anyway. She is growing faster than I ever could have imagined. She is becoming a big kid. She asked me recently if she was a young adult yet. She is starting to have definite opinions on the clothes she likes and doesn't like. She is starting to get embarrassed when I tell stories about her. She is watching iCarly instead of Dora. She has moved into the next level of shoe sizes, holding her own at a size 1. It is truly unbelievable. I am telling you it happened overnight.

Jaron cried when we left his sister at school this year. He wanted to stay, too. He even told me he thinks maybe he already had his Spiderman cake (which is what he is already planning for next year) so maybe he is already 5. I don't know if I will be ready next year when I will watch them both get on the big bus together. I will savor this last year of preschool for him, even though he will just be annoyed he can't go to big school and be 5.

You know, it was no surprise turning 30. It does not make me feel any different than I did when I was 25. What shocks me is taking my daughter to her first day of first grade. I hope I am ready. I hope I do a great job keeping up with that backpack. Initials. Signatures. Book reports. Yes, book reports. I hope I never convince myself I'm too tired to read that one more book at bedtime. I hope I am a good mom for a big kid. We have a lot to learn.

Remingtyn Jayd

This is my cousin, Remingtyn Jayd Bealmer, with Madison at Grandad's 90th birthday party. (Kathy--Remingtyn is Mom's sister Dianna's granddaughter, Wade's daughter). August 2nd Remingtyn was kicked in the head by a horse. She was flown to University in Columbia, unresponsive, and everyone was told things did not look good. She is 9 years old. She has a sister just 4 weeks older than Madison. The prayer chains were ignited and going in full force as word spread quickly of this tragic accident.

They put breathing and stomache tubes in and made a skull flap so her brain could continue to swell without damaging it, and we were told if she made it through her surgery that would be a good sign. We kept praying. She made it through the surgery. Two days later she held up 2 fingers when asked and squeezed some hands. The next day she started communicating by shaking and nodding her head. We kept praying. The next day she started walking and talking and eating real food. There are still many concerns but the medical staff continues to be baffled by her speedy recovery. I say "speedy" but you can imagine how slowly time was passing for her parents! Over the weekend she was moved to KC where they will continue her therapy. Wade and Tyena have been an inspiration to the community as they have trusted God throughout all of this and given Him all the glory for her progress! They have been a beautiful witness to the hospital staff, who while explaining the worst-case scenarios were told by Wade and Tyena that they were a best-case scenario family and they could just tell them about those! I am so proud of them and their faith. They still need a lot of prayer as they work through this process of rehab, but I cannot express how thankful our family is for all the prayers thus far said on her behalf...and for the Master Physician's answers!

She has a caring bridge site if you would like to follow her progress. You go to the caringbridge.org and type in bealmer. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

nine years ago today

Nine years ago today I flew in an airplane for the first time. Kevin and I flew to Las Vegas and got married. While planning a small, intimate wedding at home things kept growing and growing. I thought the planning was stressful and it was growing more and more expensive. One evening, while in deep planning mode I told Kevin, "We should just forget all of this stuff and go to Vegas!" We both laughed. As our laughter died down, though, we looked at each other with matching 'that might be something to consider' expressions.

We told my Dad what we had come up with and he perked up immediately and graciously offered, "I'll pay for it!" I wanted to make an informed decision so I asked about the plane, hotel, wedding, food, and souvenirs. He said, "Plane, hotel, wedding, food...no souvenirs!" How could we say no to a deal like that?

Nine years ago today we were waiting at our hotel for the limo to take us to the courthouse to get our marriage license, and then to the chapel for the wedding. I realized I had forgotten our birth certificates up in our room. I told Kevin to stay and wait for the limo and I would go get them because I knew right where they were in our suitcase. As I rushed up to our room to get them I heard someone shout, "Runaway bride!" I did not stop to correct him.

The wedding itself was wonderful. I have wondered sometimes what our wedding might have been like with all our family and friends there, but I am glad we did what we did. All we had to do was show up and make our vows to each other. It was fun. It was relaxed. It was beautiful. My Grandma Harvey made my dress. We had a private, traditional ceremony. We had flowers. We had pictures. We did NOT have an Elvis.

We stayed a week and were amazed by it all in a small town kids go to the city kind of way. We enjoyed seeing all the casinos. Kevin, always the carpenter, marveled at how things were built. We went to live shows full of comedy and singing and dancing (no naked girls). The first nickel I put in a slot machine made the thing go crazy and light up and ring the bell and nickels were flying everywhere. It was a machine called "Double Diamonds". I thought I had struck it rich! I won five dollars. That's a lot of nickels. We lost $20 to gambling in Sin City.

So, here we are, 9 years later. We have definitely had more good memories than bad ones. We have been blessed. I still love him, you know. I would marry him again. I am grateful for our home and our jobs and all of our family and friends close by. And our inquisitive, independent, and nurturing daughter. And our snuggling, bouncing, fun-loving son. And our baby on the way.

I could not ask for more

Sometimes Jaron is still guilty of creeping into our bed in the wee hours of the morning. I am not one to condone letting the kids sleep in my bed. When they are babies, it scares me too much. When they get older, they kick me too much! So my kids were never encouraged to sleep with Mommy and Daddy, but for some reason when Jaron was around 2 years old he habitually tried to slip into our bed. He discovered that if he woke us we would carry him back to his bed so eventually he learned to be so sneaky and quiet that we slept through it more often than not. Once I went to take a shower and came back to find him snuggled up in Kevin's legs sound asleep. Sometimes I would be surprised to wake up without him beside me only to find him snuggled up to his sister! Now that he is 4 it is rare to wake up and find him in my bed, but this morning I woke up with a little hand holding my cheek and a little nose against my nose. He is breathtakingly sweet to watch when he is sleeping. These are the moments that make it hard to go to work. These are the moments that make me thank God that I am a mother. These are the moments I'll remember all my life. And I could not ask for more.