things that make me cry

I cannot spend this week looking forward to my long weekend from work to share with my favorite people without taking the time to blog about it. I feel like this holiday needs to be acknowledged and I am seriously shirking my duties if I do not do a post on some dimension of gratitude. I tend to over analyze things sometimes. Every year at this time I wonder where to start. I mean, I am thankful for my family and friends and our health. I am thankful that my cousin-in-law is on the verge of coming off of his ventilator and that my Grandad got to come home from the hospital. Those are the things that pop into my head without effort. The big things that really matter. But when Thanksgiving is in the air and everyone is thinking of family and talking turkey and noodles and pie I tend to reach a little bit farther and think on the less obvious blessings in my life.

I remember my friends and I rolling our eyes at our moms when they got emotional over the things we may not have grasped the importance of. I always thought I was tough. I liked dresses and makeup when appropriate, but I also liked sports and hunting and never felt like I was one to cry easily. I know now that becoming a mom kind of changes that. Sometimes things make me cry and I know the teenage me would roll her eyes. This year I was thinking about what I should include on my blog to represent the gratitude in my heart. In trying to limit the length of this post I chose to include the things that make me cry.

Good music. "Remember When" by Alan Jackson came out when I was pregnant with Jaron and I had to pull over because I could not see the road for my tears. This time it was "The Best Day" by Taylor Swift. It is worth looking up.

Good movies. The Hallmark Channel. Holiday season. Need I say more?

Good friends. You know, the ones that say you look nice when you are about to break your personal top weight record and your clothes are not flattering and your face is so round you don't even recognize yourself in the mirror anymore? (NOT to be confused with the people who ask when you are due and do not mask their shock at the date because they assumed it was much, much sooner)

Good family. Grandpas who convince the grandkids he grew whiskers out during deer season just to tickle them with. The grandma who invited the kids to have a sleepover Tuesday night because she is off work on Wednesday while they are off from school. The same grandma who THEN cooks a big supper, says, "Don't bring anything," and asks the whole family to just show up after we get off work for our Thanksgiving. What better way to kick off a long weekend than to relax and eat with the family? Thanks, Mom!!

Good kids...most of the time. Kids that say they are best friends when they don't know I can hear them. Kids that make gratitude lists at preschool citing their favorite things to be thankful for such as hamburgers, grandparents, Mom, Dad, big sister, baby sister, and sausage. Kids that leave notes around the house saying things like, "I love Mom, Dad, Jaron and the baby. And our dog." Kids who comfort one another if there are tears involved.

Good husbands. Husbands who offer up cash to have my young househousekeeper come over when he thinks that will help me. Husbands who change from the NFL channel to Noggin when it is time for Wow! Wow! Wubzy! Husbands who can be talked into playing a board game or making popcorn almost every day by the little people in our house. Husbands who remember to make life fun on a regular basis.

Birthdays. Milestones in general. Holidays. Vacation days in general. The experience of growing a person. A person who moves so often I am always reminded to be grateful! Especially after bedtime! Pumpkin pies and peanut butter blossoms. Noodles (the homemade ones, of course). Time to be home with my favorite people and do nothing but enjoy them. I may not be a weeping willow in my adulthood but I have been moved to tears more in the last 6 years than I ever anticipated and those are the moments I am most thankful for this week. Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

A person from history...

This week at school the kids are dressing up for education week. There was a pajama day, a math career day, reading day, and today was a person from history day. We do not have an abundance of career costumes in the Peavler household, so coming up with something to wear needs to involve some creativity and craftiness that I do not possess. Or just a crazy idea. I told Madison this morning that I had an idea for her "person from history" that she could be. I said, "How would you like to wear Mommy's warm-ups from when she was in school and you could be me from back when I was in sports?" I held them up in all of their Lady Hornet glory and her eyes lit up! She said, "Oh, yes! I remember you were number 21!" She thought it was a great idea. I was glad. Not all of my ideas are still great, you know.

She reaffirmed her excitement by exclaiming, "Oh, yeah! This is a good idea because you are my mom and you are way older than me so that is history!" At my shocked expression she reminded me, "You are 30, Mom." It's okay. I still remember when I thought 30 was old.

Think Pink

I think when asked what we want for our children, most parents would say they want them to grow up to be healthy and happy. To become the people God wants them to be. Isn't that all we can hope for? I have been thinking about this a lot relative to this baby I am carrying. I wonder about hair and eye color and personality and gender but I have been telling myself that all I want for this baby is good health. I have been telling myself that I do not have a preference at all as to whether it is a girl or a boy. I mean, I have one of each. I have the joy of dirt and overalls and ruffles and bows and I have truly been blessed. It is true. I have no preference.

But then I had my ultrasound on Friday. I was told the baby is growing perfectly. Every ounce was measured and determined to be within the normal range. Hearing those words feels like wrapping up in my favorite blanket. Then I was told it is a girl. My mind went back to Madison as a baby. My mind went back to the lovely baby showers I was given by some of my favorite people in the world and all the beautiful dresses and pink and purple outfits. And sweet pink blankets. The onesie that says, "Daddy's Little Sweetheart." The Christmas dresses. The fuzzy sleepers with flowers and butterflies on them. Jaron had some sweet baby clothes but girl clothes come with accessories. There are booties and bows and head bands and socks of every color with ruffles. There are tiny shoes in various styles and shades of pink. I am having another sweet baby girl! I am a little excited.

Now, if the ultrasound ends up being wrong, I will simply pull out the tote labeled "Baby Boy" and I know I will find sweet things to wash up and I will never question the plan that God has for our family. And I will be happy. But if it is right...I hope she likes pink!

hot date night?

Last week my girlfriend wrote a post about date night. It was about how significant date night use to be back in the day and how after marriage and children it tends to be pushed to the background. She misses date night. I related perfectly, of course. I had two main thoughts when I read her post. First, I was trying to remember the last date night Kevin and I had. We have had a lot of dates. We dated back in the day. I remember spending hours curling my hair and doing my nails and makeup and watching for him out the window. Secondly, I was thinking it would probably be awhile before he would be asking me to go out again. I mean, what would be the reason? February - Valentine's Day. August - Anniversary. Sometimes we make a day of Christmas shopping without the kids and that requires eating out alone together. But if I do not plan the event ahead of time it is probably not going to happen. Or so I thought.

I like it when he pleasantly surprises me. Saturday I got the invitation. "Do you want to ride to Columbia with me?" I thought that sounded like a date. When we left the house wearing perfume and cologne I thought it smelled like a date. When we dropped the kids off with Grandma I decided it looked like a date! Hot date night was ON! A calm and leisurely dinner with steak and salad and adult conversation is a hot date, right? It was so much better than the dates we had when we were teenagers. I am far from a size 3, and he does not give me my invitation with enough notice to spend hours on my appearance (not that I would now if he did). Even so, our relationship has grown into something I never could have imagined back then. I could never have imagined how love can evolve with a person when you bring children into this world together. I look across the table at him now and I don't dream about what our life could be like if we ended up together. I already know. Our daughter has his nose and mouth. Our son shares his love for fishing in the river. He would have been satisfied to stop at two kids but agreed to have another one because he knew it would make me happy. He is a good provider who does not make a habit out of missing work. And the patience he displays when teaching things to the kids by far surpasses any expectations I may have had. So while date nights are lower on quantity than they use to be, I believe they make up for it when it comes to quality.

Keeping that in mind, I still had some lingering questions I asked myself during the ride home. Is it still a hot date if you take a minivan? Is it still a hot date if it includes significant time in Bass Pro before dinner? Is it still a hot date if the state of your pregnancy requires that you must go pee upon arriving in Columbia, arriving at the restaurant, and again before leaving the restaurant? Is it still a hot date if he decides to practice with his new duck call on part of the drive home and you put your ear buds in to drown out the sound with your favorite tunes? I guess I still think it is and that is all that matters.

Keepers

I have friends who had kids almost exactly a year after I did. And they had a girl followed by a boy, like me. So their daughter is a year younger than mine, and their son is a year younger than mine. Unlike me, they also found out she was expecting again at her 6-week checkup following their son. During some of my weaker, self-doubting moments I remember wondering sometimes how she kept her sanity. I have always respected how great her attitude has been relative to her unexpected blessings. I recently saw these friends and now their children are 5, 3, and 2. I was inspired by them. Not only are they working hard to raise their own stair step children, but they have taken legal guardianship of a baby boy cousin. They took him home from the hospital when he was born and have had him for two months now. His mother is in prison. She gets fifteen minutes of phone time daily and has called them once to check on him.

I have a book with quotes about motherhood and one of them says, "Having kids is not like fishing--all children are keepers." And boy, is he ever a keeper. He was the sweetest baby and barely made a peep all evening. I held him awhile just to make sure I remember how to do it correctly. He went to sleep on my shoulder. This picture was taken the day Jaron was born. He was a keeper too. We talked a lot about the legal and emotional issues that come with adoption and guardianship that night. I just want to applaud any parent who has given a part of themselves to this process for the sake of a child. I understand loving a child as if it were your own. I would not have a problem with that at all. But this extra dimension that comes with foster parenting and legal guardianship and adoption--this possibility that you could love a child as your own and it could be taken away from you again--I believe any mother who opens themselves up to this possibility has strength and character that I could only hope to achieve someday.

There have been times when my patience has waned and I have doubts about my ability to be a great mother to three kids, but spending an evening with this couple and some other families we know really helped me to put things into perspective. I know God gives us the strength we need when we need it...and that He never gives us more than we can handle. I am so glad there are people out there that have the strength needed to take in sweet babies that need a loving home. And I am grateful that God has found me worthy to be a mother to three children. Knowing He has that much faith in me helps me to have more faith in myself. I am counting down the weeks until I can meet my newest little keeper!

On the Verge

Most of my life I have felt like I was on the verge of having it all together. On the verge of being organized and managing our family well. On the verge of remembering every appointment and removing all excess clutter and keeping all the outgrown clothing out of the drawers and closets. On the verge of having things painted and decorated how I would like them to be. On the verge of being ready to bring another baby home from the hospital. I guess it is possible that I am a procrastinator. I have told myself I would get everything in order after I got married or graduated from college and had all that "free time" or after the kids were out of diapers or after the holidays or after this project gets done...you get the picture. The thing is, I have never really been able to find those vast quantities of free time that I always thought adults had. What happened to that?


After work there is laundry, homework, dinner, bath time, and bedtime. And we kind of like to play board games. And that is if there is nowhere to go in the evening. I am not trying to pretend I am the busiest woman ever--I realize most parents are living the exact same way. So if you understand that most of the time I feel like I am almost getting it right, you will understand how excited I get when we complete a project and I get some new shelving units and can create the appearance of complete organization. Above you will see the first one of those units that I got all filled up(notice the cake making shelf on top:). When someone looks in my new pantry closet they will see that I have it all together. In one small space of my home. That makes me really happy. They will see there is no sour kraut or any other food product in my bedroom and that makes me happy too. I also got my kitchen painted and the border put up. My new sign from my favorite store says it all. And who knows? I may be ready for Baby #3 on time after all. I'll keep you posted!

Superherios

Can I just tell you how adorable it is when Jaron says superherios? Like Cheerios. I don't know why he adds that extra syllable but I don't want to correct him because I am afraid that once he stops mispronouncing words he will be a grown-up and he will stop telling complete strangers that he sure loves his mom (like he did Saturday at an auction we went to). I don't think I will ever be ready for that stage in his life. We go trick-or-treating in Elmer, where Kevin grew up, on Halloween Eve. I don't know why but that is the way it has always been and it seems to be the way it will always be. Since Madison's first Halloween at 5 months old he has been our driver. He makes sure we don't miss the lady who makes the homemade cupcakes or the lady who makes the best popcorn balls. He doesn't want anyone to be left out. He's considerate like that. My favorite thing about Halloween Eve this year was how excited Jaron was about everything. Last year he sort of tip-toed behind his sister. This year he was not bashful at all and he told everyone "trick-or-treat" and "thank you." He also lifted his mask at every house to say, "See? I'm Spiderman!" just for clarification. He was very impressed with the people who told him they knew he was Spiderman. The only problem with that was that it tended to make his mask crooked so he could not see. I did not realize he was having that problem until he ran into a tree...but after I took over guide duty he was fine. He also told some teenage girls passing out treats that he would rescue them tomorrow.

On Halloween day, I went with Jaron to preschool. We walked to the bank to go trick-or-treating. The kids bobbed for apples the sanitary way(every kid had their own bucket of water), and had spooky cupcakes. After lunch we went to Madison's school, although I really still think of it as my school, for more celebrating. I was the mom in charge of the game (Serenity - one of the moms dipped big, fat pretzel sticks in white almond bark and stuck a candy corn on the end to make a fingernail and told them they were "vampire fingers"). I had plans to cut out some kind of Halloween shaped paper in this homemade game idea...but what I actually took were rolls of toilet paper so we could play "wrap the mummy." They seemed to enjoy it. I was also going to make the kids into these beautifully homemade crayons for the school parade and contest. I was a crayon in 3rd grade in this same parade and won a prize and thought it would be wonderful to continue that tradition. Neither of them wanted to do it. So Madison wore a cousin's Violet costume from last year and Jaron wore his Spiderman costume he got last Christmas and I did not lose any sleep making something sensational. Any guesses on what costume won Madison's class' contest? A homemade crayon. Oh, well. I love holidays. I love traditions. I love taking a day off of work to spend with my kids. I love having my mom and many other friends and family members in the school to share it with. I will definitely be making some pages about this.